Weakness on Display

 

you shall be

{this is a guest post by: Kelly Balarie

Weakness on Display

Everything I wanted to say didn’t come out right.  The words God placed on my heart seemed to pour forth in some strange jumbled language.  A language, incoherent to all humans. Their lost looks said it all.

Anxiety mounted.

I wanted to exalt God, but all I did was exalt my inability to convey my idea clearly.  I messed up.

Then, questions hit me like a waterfall pounding rocks miles below.  Why am I talking right now? Why do I think I have important things to share? What if it is pride talking and not God? Isn’t it better to not talk than to risk being prideful?  Why am I so intense? Can’t I be more funny?  People like funny.

I felt dumb.  I felt ashamed.  I felt embarrassed.

It is all about Him, but here I am making it all about me. Ugh.  I mess up again.

I desired to walk by Christ’s side, but I succeeded in pride.

I desired his glory to shine, but I made it about mine.

I desired to love, but I put myself above.

If I want people to see Christ, I have to move out of the spotlight

My only show, should be a show for the Lord.  A show that reveals an authentic heart for him.  A show that displays his beauty, his words and his truth.

The Lord sees my heart, he knows my intentions and he understands my motives. I want everything I do to be an offering for him  – not for others – but for him.  Yes, will he use me for his good?  Of course.  But, underneath it all, it doesn’t matter how I am perceived.  It doesn’t matter how people respond.  My words are for the King sitting on the throne that sits miles higher than all of us.  I want the outpouring of all I do to be holy, right and blameless in front of his eyes.

Since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” (1 Pet. 1:16)

God wants holiness.  Let us be holy. Let us not see it as this vague word that seems impossible to reach.  Let’s look to him and pursue the word with all of our heart.

Let’s pursue holiness.  Not perfection, but holiness.  Because God is not looking for perfection.  He knows we aren’t perfect. And, this is the point of it all.  Christ is love.  We don’t stand condemned.  We are released from the power of sin over us.

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (2 Cor. 12:9)

I am thankful for my weakness.  Because if I wasn’t weak, I couldn’t draw on God’s power to change me.  I wouldn’t be filled by the most amazing power of all.  Without God people would see my insecurities, weaknesses and fruitless work.  But, with Him, and through his power at work within me, they will see peace, joy, power and fruit.  I like that!

He will release me from my desire to show, and fill me with a desire to grow.

Perhaps your issue is not pride, or words, or what others think.  But no matter what your concern is, know that God will do the same for you. Whatever is holding you back from holiness, from growth, from love – Christ will faithfully extend his hand to you and guide you in his ways.

He will lead you and refine you as you present your weaknesses to him.

He loves you.  He will teach you his ways.  He has big plans for all of us.  Let us be weak, for then he is strong.  Let us embrace our weaknesses, because then we are filled with the power of Christ. 

How sweet the sound…

{Kelly is a writer and speaker, but most of all she is a cheerleader of faith. She offers inspirational quotes, heartfelt messages, quips, stories, videos and more to encourage others to move past doubt – and towards faith. Her hope is that all can find contentment, peace, joy and love in their lives as they pursue Christ.  She blogs at Purposefulfaith. You can also follow her on Twitter at @kellybalarie}

What I learned {not writing} during #write31days

 

notwriting2

 

Back in October, I joined the Nester and possibly a million of other bloggers, and challenged myself to write for 31 days during the month of October. {You can check out the blogging goodnes and the other writers who participated here}  The challenge and the community that came out of the challenge was amazing for sure, but if you’ve followed any of my posts, you might have already figured out, it’s November and I’m stuck on day 7!  Like me, have you tried a blogging challenge, a project or something else and didn’t finish the way you planned to?

Quitting feels like failure.

If you feel like you’ve failed, it’s an uncomfortable spot for sure, but not a bad place to be. What we learn about ourselves and the process can be invaluable.

October is a beautiful season to gaze at, I don’t want to stay there.

So,  here’s what I learned from {not} finishing 31 days of writing. Maybe you can relate? 

{p.s. Emily Freeman has invited us to share what we’ve learned during the month of October over at Chatting at the Sky. You should check it out. There’s some fun things that’s been shared!}

Writing goals should be realistic

(I started a lengthy blog post, but after being interrupted for hours, I decided it’s best to try my best to stick with a shorter list) I took the time assessment in the book, The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst. I have almost no free time, and on top of it am a full-time working momma with a special needs son. Hello, unrealistic writing goals. Blogging everyday isn’t possible for me in this season of life. Sometimes we can’t do what everyone else is doing or what we want to do. Once every two weeks is a more realistic (breathe) writing goal that I can set in the future.

Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean I’m not included

uh, well… I like to be included, even when I’m not.

When I was a kid, I joined every. single. team. that. would. let. me.

Yep. But my mom was a single parent, and I had a sister to help take care of after school. My activities were difficult for my entire family and the logistics to get to practices, meets, events rarely worked out. Eventually, I had to drop out of all my extra-curricular activities. Activities = being included. Being seen. Being known.

Because I wasn’t a part of many things, I felt less than and decided that I didn’t belong with the kids who were. Instead, I found different friends and headed down a different path (not a good one) to compensate. I probably wasn’t aware of it, but looking back… oh sister, it’s crazy clear now!

I’m older, and I still want to be a part of things — and I still want to join everything — but my life circumstances aren’t allowing it again. There are times I begin to say to myself I have no business writing, maybe I should stop, or I’m not really a writer. But I’m learning to counter those things I tell myself. The truth is, I write everyday at work, I’ve writtten a million blog posts (okay, that’s a stretch) but I’ve only posted a few. If you and I believe that God has called us to write (in whatever way) then He has included us.

I’m not saying that blogging, joining challenge and attend writer’s conferences (hello, I want to go to everyone of them) are bad in anyway, but sometimes life takes over.  And even when life takes over and you can’t be a part of things you want to be a part of, you are STILL IN.

Rest. In. That. Okay?

I want to LIVE and THEN write

If we want to be better writers, and write more consistently, we have to make sure that we write, write, write, …. life can come later.

Right?  Uhm, well… maybe no.

Writer, Jeff Goins shared on his blog how he wrestled with giving up things he loved so that he could write more. Yet, it worked just the opposite. He learned that, “LIVING feeds writing.”  ” and not the other way around. (quote via @michellederush)

The challenge really helped me to think about my writing and why I want to write on a deeper level. My theme focused on how to move closer to making our dreams happen by doing ONE thing. I started researching people who LIVE — DREAM BIG dreams AND make a difference in the world. And I’m learning what sparked their dream and how they turned it into a flame.

There’s more I learned, but realistically, I can’t share them all now — my life (my little guy jumping around me — asking me to join him in his adventure) is taking over.

And maybe ‘not finishing’ doesn’t feel so uncomfortable.

It feels freeing. 

For me.

Maybe for you, too?

 

What have you learned from not finishing?

How are you balancing living and writing?

 

 

 

31 Days: This ONE Thing {day 7} lean in

leanin2

“We don’t change the world by going to graduate school or getting a degree. If we want to change the world, we must spend a lot of time with Jesus.”  Mark Batterson

 

 

31 Days: This ONE Thing {day 5} Believe

 

believe3

Handing over dreams isn’t easy. It feels more like handing over everything.

We can’t hand over our dreams to God without handing over our lives.

My talk with God about this went something like this,

“Hey God. I’ve messed this thing up pretty good without you. Everywhere I look, my life is pretty much a mess.”

And long talks and late nights and drinks and relationships could make me laugh, and dream more  about dreaming. but they could never fill my day-to-day circumstances with full-life.

it takes living-fully to dream big dreams

“And, I thought the point of life was to be happy…

And I think YOU want me to be happy, right?”

I’d ask in a desperate tone that sounded more like a prayer, because when you are desperate all of your words can sound like a prayer, and I didn’t know that I was confusing happiness for joy.

And I couldn’t seem to hold onto happiness any longer than I could hold onto chocolate.

The risk, fully handing over my heart to Jesus, felt huge. Because what if he gave me nothing back in return?

Such small faith…

Because that’s all he needed and he handed me back my life and filled it full-alive with his own.

He is the God who takes away and multiplies our hearts and the size of our dreams – that can no longer be contained only in journal pages, but they have to spill out into our lives and into the world.

 

Do you believe that you can give God all of your dreams?

Has He given you more than you ever imagined?

 

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..” Ephesians 3:20

 

Lord, thank you for never asking us to give you our lives for nothing in return. You have given us everything in Jesus. Help us believe you and your word. Help us to believe that you are a God who multiplies the size of our faith, and gives us dreams that are wilder and more exciting than anything we could have dreamed or imagined without you.

 

{i love dreaming BIG dreams. but I often freeze instead of start because they just feel so big.

I’m challenging myself, and you if you’ve joined me, to do just ONE thing. it might just take us closer to making them happen.}