For when your feet are tired and the vision fades

For When Your Feet Are Tired

Healing ointment that strengthens the body

(I haven’t posted in forever — when I started my blog, it was meant to be a place to ‘play’ and experiment with writing. Long-winded explanations are difficult when you’re still working through hard places and unfinished blog posts. I hope you forgive me for jumping back in with none of that.

I’ll gently jump back in with this…

I’ve been writing morning pages –> and I’m in love.  

If you haven’t heard of them, you need to get to know them!

They are unedited sentences, paragraphs or pages of free writing — where you can spill all the stuff you didn’t even know was hiding inside. It won’t come out in a phone call with your bestie or during a spoon in hand date with your ice cream carton. Emily Freeman has a super helpful post about morning pages here. I’m don’t think many people share or blog them.

I love the writing style so much that I’ve shared it with my writing friend, my battle buddy, who encouraged me to share my morning pages — that are half morning page, half poetry. Note: the morning pages I share may or may not have been lightly edited for blogging purposes.

and since writing is SERIOUS PLAY…. here goes!)

p.s. do you write morning pages?

MONDAY MORNING PAGE
running faster
faster
I hear it’s time
for what I ask
it’s time I hear again
and I thought I knew
so I said yes

running faster with eyes closed
after you
but you’ve ran too far ahead

for me to hear the sound of your voice and your feet before
fading into days and weeks
and I stop because I think I’m lost
and open my eyes
wondering where I am

How can feet carry fast when they can’t see what’s ahead?

I pick up
trying to start again
but I can’t will these feet to move quick without you near
so I let them walk me slow
burning tired, painfully warm
where they want to take me
should I let them decide the way?
when my eyes have been filled with visions
and my heart filled with purpose

fickle feet
need rested
and told
how they are part of the body
and not the body
and they can’t run the way they want
how it takes the whole body to hear
passions that run through veins
on songs placed deep
inside

so I rest
this body
and its necessary parts
rubbing in ointment that refreshes long the vision that was out of sight
and close my eyes
to run fast after you…

Weakness on Display

 

you shall be

{this is a guest post by: Kelly Balarie

Weakness on Display

Everything I wanted to say didn’t come out right.  The words God placed on my heart seemed to pour forth in some strange jumbled language.  A language, incoherent to all humans. Their lost looks said it all.

Anxiety mounted.

I wanted to exalt God, but all I did was exalt my inability to convey my idea clearly.  I messed up.

Then, questions hit me like a waterfall pounding rocks miles below.  Why am I talking right now? Why do I think I have important things to share? What if it is pride talking and not God? Isn’t it better to not talk than to risk being prideful?  Why am I so intense? Can’t I be more funny?  People like funny.

I felt dumb.  I felt ashamed.  I felt embarrassed.

It is all about Him, but here I am making it all about me. Ugh.  I mess up again.

I desired to walk by Christ’s side, but I succeeded in pride.

I desired his glory to shine, but I made it about mine.

I desired to love, but I put myself above.

If I want people to see Christ, I have to move out of the spotlight

My only show, should be a show for the Lord.  A show that reveals an authentic heart for him.  A show that displays his beauty, his words and his truth.

The Lord sees my heart, he knows my intentions and he understands my motives. I want everything I do to be an offering for him  – not for others – but for him.  Yes, will he use me for his good?  Of course.  But, underneath it all, it doesn’t matter how I am perceived.  It doesn’t matter how people respond.  My words are for the King sitting on the throne that sits miles higher than all of us.  I want the outpouring of all I do to be holy, right and blameless in front of his eyes.

Since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” (1 Pet. 1:16)

God wants holiness.  Let us be holy. Let us not see it as this vague word that seems impossible to reach.  Let’s look to him and pursue the word with all of our heart.

Let’s pursue holiness.  Not perfection, but holiness.  Because God is not looking for perfection.  He knows we aren’t perfect. And, this is the point of it all.  Christ is love.  We don’t stand condemned.  We are released from the power of sin over us.

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (2 Cor. 12:9)

I am thankful for my weakness.  Because if I wasn’t weak, I couldn’t draw on God’s power to change me.  I wouldn’t be filled by the most amazing power of all.  Without God people would see my insecurities, weaknesses and fruitless work.  But, with Him, and through his power at work within me, they will see peace, joy, power and fruit.  I like that!

He will release me from my desire to show, and fill me with a desire to grow.

Perhaps your issue is not pride, or words, or what others think.  But no matter what your concern is, know that God will do the same for you. Whatever is holding you back from holiness, from growth, from love – Christ will faithfully extend his hand to you and guide you in his ways.

He will lead you and refine you as you present your weaknesses to him.

He loves you.  He will teach you his ways.  He has big plans for all of us.  Let us be weak, for then he is strong.  Let us embrace our weaknesses, because then we are filled with the power of Christ. 

How sweet the sound…

{Kelly is a writer and speaker, but most of all she is a cheerleader of faith. She offers inspirational quotes, heartfelt messages, quips, stories, videos and more to encourage others to move past doubt – and towards faith. Her hope is that all can find contentment, peace, joy and love in their lives as they pursue Christ.  She blogs at Purposefulfaith. You can also follow her on Twitter at @kellybalarie}

What I learned {not writing} during #write31days

 

notwriting2

 

Back in October, I joined the Nester and possibly a million of other bloggers, and challenged myself to write for 31 days during the month of October. {You can check out the blogging goodnes and the other writers who participated here}  The challenge and the community that came out of the challenge was amazing for sure, but if you’ve followed any of my posts, you might have already figured out, it’s November and I’m stuck on day 7!  Like me, have you tried a blogging challenge, a project or something else and didn’t finish the way you planned to?

Quitting feels like failure.

If you feel like you’ve failed, it’s an uncomfortable spot for sure, but not a bad place to be. What we learn about ourselves and the process can be invaluable.

October is a beautiful season to gaze at, I don’t want to stay there.

So,  here’s what I learned from {not} finishing 31 days of writing. Maybe you can relate? 

{p.s. Emily Freeman has invited us to share what we’ve learned during the month of October over at Chatting at the Sky. You should check it out. There’s some fun things that’s been shared!}

Writing goals should be realistic

(I started a lengthy blog post, but after being interrupted for hours, I decided it’s best to try my best to stick with a shorter list) I took the time assessment in the book, The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst. I have almost no free time, and on top of it am a full-time working momma with a special needs son. Hello, unrealistic writing goals. Blogging everyday isn’t possible for me in this season of life. Sometimes we can’t do what everyone else is doing or what we want to do. Once every two weeks is a more realistic (breathe) writing goal that I can set in the future.

Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean I’m not included

uh, well… I like to be included, even when I’m not.

When I was a kid, I joined every. single. team. that. would. let. me.

Yep. But my mom was a single parent, and I had a sister to help take care of after school. My activities were difficult for my entire family and the logistics to get to practices, meets, events rarely worked out. Eventually, I had to drop out of all my extra-curricular activities. Activities = being included. Being seen. Being known.

Because I wasn’t a part of many things, I felt less than and decided that I didn’t belong with the kids who were. Instead, I found different friends and headed down a different path (not a good one) to compensate. I probably wasn’t aware of it, but looking back… oh sister, it’s crazy clear now!

I’m older, and I still want to be a part of things — and I still want to join everything — but my life circumstances aren’t allowing it again. There are times I begin to say to myself I have no business writing, maybe I should stop, or I’m not really a writer. But I’m learning to counter those things I tell myself. The truth is, I write everyday at work, I’ve writtten a million blog posts (okay, that’s a stretch) but I’ve only posted a few. If you and I believe that God has called us to write (in whatever way) then He has included us.

I’m not saying that blogging, joining challenge and attend writer’s conferences (hello, I want to go to everyone of them) are bad in anyway, but sometimes life takes over.  And even when life takes over and you can’t be a part of things you want to be a part of, you are STILL IN.

Rest. In. That. Okay?

I want to LIVE and THEN write

If we want to be better writers, and write more consistently, we have to make sure that we write, write, write, …. life can come later.

Right?  Uhm, well… maybe no.

Writer, Jeff Goins shared on his blog how he wrestled with giving up things he loved so that he could write more. Yet, it worked just the opposite. He learned that, “LIVING feeds writing.”  ” and not the other way around. (quote via @michellederush)

The challenge really helped me to think about my writing and why I want to write on a deeper level. My theme focused on how to move closer to making our dreams happen by doing ONE thing. I started researching people who LIVE — DREAM BIG dreams AND make a difference in the world. And I’m learning what sparked their dream and how they turned it into a flame.

There’s more I learned, but realistically, I can’t share them all now — my life (my little guy jumping around me — asking me to join him in his adventure) is taking over.

And maybe ‘not finishing’ doesn’t feel so uncomfortable.

It feels freeing. 

For me.

Maybe for you, too?

 

What have you learned from not finishing?

How are you balancing living and writing?

 

 

 

31 Days: This ONE Thing {day 7} lean in

leanin2

“We don’t change the world by going to graduate school or getting a degree. If we want to change the world, we must spend a lot of time with Jesus.”  Mark Batterson